I didn’t really post resolutions at the start of the year, however I have been keeping them.
First off, to stop allowing people in these “parasitic relationships”to use me and my friendship as a resource. In the past, I’ve been hurt by people who “love me”, people who are my good friend, because I’ll stand up for them, right up and until the moment I stand up for someone or something they don’t like. People who didn’t care all that much, but liked that I have connections they want, or have been through places that they are going through now. People who toss our “friendship” aside the moment they are done with what they feel I have to give them.
I wont be your last resort friend. Sure, you can’t see all your friends all the time, but I’m done being the friend you expect to be home waiting in case no one else can hang out with you. Except for Thursdays almost every week day, I go to work and come home, I’m going to have fun on the weekends, if people don’t want to hang out that is totally okay by me. If people do, I’ll see you then.
In addition to that, I won’t be your back burner friend, again, no its not going to break my heart if I don’t see someone for a while, some of my best friends go away for weeks, even months, -GREG, TONY- at a time only to re-appear randomly.
What I mean is blowing me off, they say a baby learns after the first time not to touch a hot stove, I’m only going to let someone shove my hand away so often before it sticks.
I’m going to play fair, if you get to do something, and it’s A-okay, from my standpoint, you forfeit the right to be upset when I do the same thing. -The end, don’t care. -
Oh, and on the don’t care note. I don’t care who’s taking who to bed, who you hate, what your drama is, I neither need nor want it. You can keep it, for that matter you can keep mine.
At the end of last year I learned that confiding in someone I thought I could trust meant it would be repeated to the very person who I was upset over hurting me, and then again be used by that person, or at least people ‘reaching out on behalf of this individual’ to try and upset me further.
I once said as a joke that I fear people repeating what I say, and this was exactly what I meant. I know that no matter what I say, it will be twisted, and handed back as something cruel and harsh by the ghosts of friendship’s past.
I firmly believe there’s no such thing as too old to play, but these games I’ve grown far beyond.
With my birthday a little under a week away, the “what do you want?” questions have been looming left and right.
So here’s a list:
Soom Gargoyle Grit (DOA marketplace)
Doctor who Wii game and Sonic Screwdriver wii remote:http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0040JGNKI/ref=pd_luc_mri?ie=UTF8&m=A1J73UFKTK1WCY
Flowering Tea Pot
Loose Leaf Tea’s Especially strawberry and amaranth blends.
Fandom related (girl) cut shirts.
Doctor who Stuff
Pieces of planned costumes
any BJD site
BJD Things:MSD / SD - Dalek / k-9 toy (plush or otherwise)
MSD sizes: Fairyland girl large bustBlue Fairy Blossom body girlSD size:BBB/RS boy.My Sizes:Shirt (Small/Med - Women) (Large Junior)
Things I love:
Found vintage / antique things
My favorite colors are: Crimson Red, Royal Purple, silver and black.
I don’t really collect action figures, or do much with pastel colors.
re-posted from the Second anniversary of the world losing its best Swindle.
I used to think that growing older meant more of that growing wiser stuff.
Thus far, I’ve learned how to take better care of money in my pocket, to do the responsible thing, what has value in life, and most of all, who I can really rely on.
Whenever I’m vulnerable there always seems to be someone who chooses that moment to pull a knife.
I could name names, but frankly, it’s what they seem to want.
Loosing my mother, a good friend, and my best friend in less than a year, taught me who will be there when I’m hurting the most. And who has better things to do. I’ve learned that out of the people who swear their a good, best even, friend to me, most of them are lying to at best themselves, and at worst me.
People are always upset and frustrated with me, because they can’t get inside of my head, because I’m closed off emotionally.
Tonight is a prime example of why.
If the moment I rely on you, you ditch out for a trip to the beach, to go off with your boyfriend while I’m waiting at home for you all day, or to chill with a junior pill head for the day and wait forever after I call for plans to call me back to ditch. Its an answer for you to look at.
If you only love me when I’m fitting into my two dimensional space inside your heart its another.
If I’m only your friend when I’m strong for you, and ignoring the bad things you do, its probably the grand prize winner.
If my career, the fact that I go to bed at a decent hour, don’t do drugs, don’t party it up, don’t ditch work or worse family for you, are reasons you love me less… take a clue and take yourself away.
Two years ago today, I lost a very good friend, someone who would drop everything to come to do nothing because I was vulnerable. This would be the second year, someone has harmed my trust on this anniversary, I’m beginning to believe Swindle is doing this on purpose.
2010 just flew by, barley saw it go.
There were good times, sad times, my heart was broken, and my friends we’re there to pick up the pieces and bond them back stronger than ever.
I’m thankful for the people in 2010 who stood by my side, who made me laugh, who walked out of my life (that no longer may they darken my heart) and for the love of those grand-hearted people who were there for me, and treated my friendship like a treasure.
I’ve got several small projects already planned. (Like 10 really) and two very large ones.
I’m going to jump into not one but two of those 100 photo challenges.
One for my BJD’s, and another for everything else. (Cosplay, Lolita, UEing, Etc.) If you have word ideas for either, I’d love to hear them… Some words will repeat, but I’d rather not be working from two near identical lists..
This year started out wonderfully, nerf war over the midnight hour, UEing on the 1st, Cosplay on the 2nd, and now I face return to work on the 3rd..